Today, nothing about makeup and all. A real situation that many mothers face, I will share here with you.
There are always going to be influences in our children’s lives- some good and some bad. It will happen throughout the life. The point is how we deal with the situation.
I am in a joint family with a bunch of children at home. All with different temperament and nature. I also have 1.5 year old son. And like all moms, I am in love with him :).
He has a 9 month older cousin who is somewhat violent and likes to just put a slap here and there. When both are around each other, a strict watch is a must as he may push the younger one, puts finger in his eyes or simply pulls and pinches hard at his cheek which he does most. The younger one is obviously afraid and cries in these situations. The elder one doesn’t like to share anything and slaps almost everybody at home. Not that parents support him but he is like this only. His parents also get worried a lot and try to correct him many times. But it is troublesome.
Now the problem is, you don’t want your child to be affected by this negative behavior but being in a joint family, the children can’t be kept apart and obviously, that is not a solution. If we as in a family love each other, then our children should also. Most of the joint families scatter due to these minor issues of children, not solved properly.
My main concern is that younger child is either suffering or learning from the bad behavior. He is seeing this daily routine of hitting, growling, punching and all. For how much time can I expect my sweet little child to be the same. His older cousin is energetic, spirited and hyper but misbehaves too.
Whenever such a situation arises, I don’t ignore it or let it go so that the relations remain cordial but I speak up right away to correct him. This is for three reasons –
- If no one corrects his behavior then he will continue his actions.
- My son also learns from these corrections what mommy will accept and what will not be accepted.
- He learns that mommy will support him and stand up for him when needed.
That being said I also make sure I correct his behaviour also. I have always had one theory on raising children “your job as a parent is to raise your child to become a productive member of society”. This includes day care, school, playgrounds, public settings, jobs and social settings. These successful behaviours start at a very young age. You have to support your children to know how to act when you are not there.
Parents today are way too concerned with making their children happy. Nothing is earned and nothing is a “treat”. Things become expected and parents are viewed as equals.
If you feel that your child’s cousin is having a negative effect, you are probably right, but the only thing you can do without alienating your family is to continue to install your values, not only at home but make a point of paying attention to the interactions between your child and their cousins and enforce your values in front of the family, hoping to gently suggest that they do the same or at least demonstrate to the child that that action will not be tolerated.
WHAT TO EXPECT IN SUCH SCENARIOS
Whilst the child is young, he will try to push the boundaries especially if he sees other children doing it and getting away with it, just be consistent with discipline. I know it takes time and patience but rewarding good behaviour does work, when they see all the nice day trips, or new toys or whichever rewards you offer, and the naughty children don’t get these things because let’s face it, even if they are allowed to go on excursions, who has the energy to take them, they will soon see naughty behaviour means they will miss out.
All parents try to raise their children in best possible way. Where the catch is, everyone has different values. I am thinking on different lines to correct my child but other mother doesn’t have the same idea.
TIP FOR MOTHERS–
- Don’t ever feel bad for protecting your child. The child may feel helpless in such a situation.
- Let the other child come over to your place where your set of rules work for all. Don’t feel bad about correcting other child’s behavior as he is also a part of your extended family, not someone picked from the street. He is a family member too.
- Try to instill good morals and beliefs in all the children irrespective of yours or their cousins so that they become good citizens and will themselves learn to be separate from bad influences.
- And now the most important for naughty kids’ moms. Don’t sit and watch your kid’s acts of hurting and snapping other kids. This is not about courage or bravery. This is about bad behavior and shows your parenting. This is the time to act and correct them or finally, you will be the one who pays for it.
And finally, remember – BOYS WILL BE BOYS 🙂
But draw a fine line between playing like a boy and being destructive so that no one runs away seeing your naughty child. It is better to build a boy than having to repair a man.
Good Luck !!